


That's what a parabatai is

by kurenohikari



Series: Soul's music [3]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, Parabatai Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 13:26:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11336427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurenohikari/pseuds/kurenohikari
Summary: I couldn't handle it anymore, I couldn't continue looking at the face of the girl my brother truly wanted as her parabatai not, me. I ran away, I had to be as far possible from her as I could. Absent-mindedly I heard Clary calling my name, but I ignored it in favor of being alone.Was it all a lie? Did he just accept my request of becoming parabatais because he couldn't have her and I was the second best option? Did he every time we fought together or were together wish I were her? Did he had he ever really cared about me? Those questions were running through my head as I tried to find a good place to hide, one where no one would be able to find me.





	That's what a parabatai is

**Jace:**

"What the hell did just happen?!" I demanded to know, as soon as Ale ran away.

"That's Xander trying to save his relationship" the blood sucking girl answered with a small smile, one that got on my nerves.

"Do you think it's funny that my parabatai is having relationship problems with his fiancé?!" I questioned angrily, almost jumping on her if it weren't for Clary's calming hand on my arm and Raphael's warning glare, as he positioned himself in front of his girlfriend.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed, faking being hurt by the implication my question gave "I'm just happy that Xander is finally comfortable enough in his own skin to be so open about him being gay" her reply froze me, and something broke inside of me with her next words "I've been trying years for him to be open about his sexual inclinations, ever since he came out to me when he was thirteen"

"He told you he liked boys with words?" I asked her slowly, not wanting to believe that my parbatai trusted a _vampire_ more than his own brother.

"How else would he have done it?" she replied with a duh tone, that made me want to snap her neck so that smug/amused smile would vanish from her stupid face "We had been best friends since we were ten, well, since I was ten and he was eleven. We tell each other  everything, we trust each other completely and we do everything together. At least, until I had to leave for Barcelona and discovered he hid this whole world in the shadows from me. But then again, he wasn't allowed to tell me about this, as well as he did it to protect me. And me moving to another country didn't stop us from staying in contact and continuing being the best friends we've always been" I've never been so jealous in my life, or felt so threatened, the only comfort I had was that Alec chose me as his parabatai- not this blonde bimbo "By the way what is a parabatai?"

"Why would you like to know that?" Izzy demanded to know brusquely.

I smiled at her slightly, I liked the fact that I have people who know me so much, that they knew when I was feeling down and needed some saving. Even if I hated to admit it, I needed someone to stand by me against this girl who came out of no where and threatened my place next to my parabatai.

"Well, Xander mentioned it a few times when we were younger" she answered, smiling kindly at my sister even if she hhad been out of line with her "The one time I recall best was when we were in Central Park playing around, he said: 'Pity you are a mundane, you would have been an amazing parabatai'. Now I know what a mundane is, thanks to Raphael, but no idea what a parabatai is" my heart crashed at her revelation "What?" she asked around, when she noticed that everyone froze "Did I say something wrong?"

 **Sometimes you think you'll be fine by yourself**  
**'Cause a dream is a wish that you make all alone**  
**It's easy to feel like you don't need help**  
**But it's harder to walk on your own**  
  
**You'll change inside**  
**When you realize**  
  
**The world comes to life**  
**And everything's bright**  
**From beginning to end**  
**When you have a friend**  
**By your side**  
**That helps you to find**  
**The beauty you are**  
**When you open your heart**  
**And believe in**  
**The gift of a friend**  
**The gift of a friend**

I couldn't handle it anymore, I couldn't continue looking at the face of the girl my brother truly wanted as her parabatai, not me. I ran away, I had to be as far as possible from her as I could. Absent-mindedly I heard Clary calling my name, but I ignored it in favor of being alone.

 _Was it all a lie? Did he just accept my request of becoming parabatais because he couldn't have her and I was the second best option? Did he, every time we fought together or were together, wish I was **her**? Had_ _he ever really cared about me_ _?_ Those questions were running through my head as I tried to find a good place to hide, one where no one would be able to find me.

Finally, I found it, a place I would always come when I was feeling overwhelmed by the memories of my 'father' after his supposed 'death'. A place only Alec and I knew, a place I would come to find the comfort of my big brother's arms in the peaceful privacy of being the only two around. I chose this place because surely Alec won't come to find me when he finally had his _true parabatai_ back.

I didn't even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks until a sob escaped my lips. I didn't even have the energy to feel ashamed at how pathetic I was acting, didn't even want to since this place was my sanctuary. A place where I could be weak and no one would judge me for it, a place where I could always come for comfort. My parabatai's comfort.

But it still hurt, it hurt to know that the one I chose, because of the great admiration I held for him, never really wanted me. That the one I considered as a role model, preferred someone over me. I don't know how long I was crying or how I fell asleep, but what I do remember was how safe I felt when I woke up. How comfortable I felt when a pair of arms surrounded my waist, nesting me against a firm chest, the same way they used to whenever I had a nightmare as a child.

 _Alec!_ I exclaimed in my head, when I finally regained my senses.

 **Someone who knows when you're lost and you're scared**  
**There through the highs and the lows**  
**Someone to count on, someone who cares**  
**Beside you wherever you go**  
  
**You'll change inside**  
**When you realize**  
  
**The world comes to life**  
**And everything's bright**  
**From beginning to end**  
**When you have a friend**  
**By your side**  
**That helps you to find**  
**The beauty you are**  
**When you open your heart**  
**And believe in**  
**The gift of a friend ~~~~**

I tried to free myself and regain some of my pride, but his iron grip prevented me from escaping.

"Do you know that running away like a child without even listening to the whole conversations lead to misunderstanding? BIG misunderstandings that lead to a lot of problems" was murmured against my ear "When I said: 'Pity you are a mundane, you would have been an amazing parabatai'. I meant a pity for Isabelle, both of them would have been a perfect match as parabatais. Jace after all these years don't you know you are my brother, my _parabatai_ ".

His words, instead of calming me down, just made me cry all over again. I just couldn't believe that someone so good, so perfect as Alec would want someone as broken as me. How could anone want someone as broken as me?

"It's ok. I'm here. I won't let you go" he soothed me, reminding me too much as when we were children. I hated being so vulnerable, letting others see me so broken, but I was glad for it as well.

Because it made me feel safe, letting me know that no matter how many things change they stay the same. At least, for us. That there will always be someone there for, that knows me, that will never judge me, that is my other side, my brother, my best friend, that will always have my back, that will always put me first and that will always protect me.

 **When your hope crashes down**  
**Shattering to the ground**  
**You, you feel all alone**  
**When you don't know which way to go**  
**There's no signs leading you home**  
**You're not alone**  
  
**The world comes to life**  
**And everything's bright**  
**From beginning to end**  
**When you have a friend**  
**By your side**  
**That helps you to find**  
**The beauty you are**  
**When you open your heart**  
**And believe in**  
**When you believe in**  
**You can believe in**  
**The gift of a friend**

_That's what a parbatai is._

**Author's Note:**

> The song is: Gift of a friend by Demi Lovato. 
> 
> Song taken from: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/demilovato/giftofafriend.html


End file.
